Needing to be Needed

Once again, from J.I. Packer:

Neighbor-love, as we have seen, seeks the good of the loved ones. For strong neighbor-love to be active in our hearts is a sign of spiritual health. But be careful lest you become one of those people who suffers from the neurosis of needing to be needed-the state of not feeling that you are anything or anybody unless you are able to feel that others cannot get on without you! That is not true neighbor love, nor is it spiritual health. That is lack of spiritual health; it is in fact another form of pride. Our sense of personal worth is to flow, not from our Christian activities, nor from having others depending on us, but from our knowledge that God loved us enough to redeem us at the cost of Calvary.

Redeeming love imparts worth to the otherwise worthless creatures in whom it is invested, making it needless to seek a sense of worth from any other source. And if I am using my neighbors to bolster my sense of self-worth, I am using them, which is something different from loving them. My attitude is likely to make me keep them dependent on me when I ought to be setting them free, and that will be harmful both to them and to me.

One of the disciplines to which the Lord calls us is the willingness, from time to time, not to be used in significant ministry. Jesus modeled this when, having told Peter to bring Him some fish miraculously caught (as we must consecrate to Him the gifts He has given us), He then proceeded apparently to ignore Peter’s offering and to feed the disciples from fish He had prepared independently (see John 21:9,13).

Imagine, now, a devoted and gifted Christian woman, whose ministry has been precious to her, finding that for quite a long period the Lord sidelines her so that her potential is not being used. What us going on? Is that spiritual failure? It is probably not spiritual failure at all, but a lesson in Christ’s school of holiness. The Lord is reminding her that her life does not depend on finding that people need her. The prime source of her joy must always be the knowledge of God’s love for her-the knowledge that though he did not need her, He has chosen to love her freely and gloriously so that she may have the eternal joy of fellowship with Him. Regarding her ministry, what matters is that she should be available to Him. Then He will decide when and how to put her to service again, and she should leave that with Him.

In the spiritual life, what we are always takes priority over what we do. If we lose touch with what we are, and with the reality of God’s free mercy as the taproot of our spiritual life, the Lord may have to sideline us until we have learned this lesson again.